Okay. Here we go. Again. Another new year another struggle. So, I’ve been debating this for a while, and I’ve been having an internal struggle with this for too long. I love you all, you have all given me the best 3 almost 4 years of my writing life. If I didn’t have any of you I probably wouldn’t believe in my capability, I wouldn’t have owned up to my “talent.” So thank you. Thank you all; I don’t say that shit enough, regardless of why you followed me or if you keep up with my writing, just thank you for being here, for liking something, for commenting, reblogging, the sweet anonymous messages. Thank you.
So with all that being said above. It’s time for us to talk. With this year I’ve had a lot of crazy shit happen that I’ve told a few of my mutuals, and somethings I haven’t told anyone. So this shit post isn’t for pity, it’s just to show you all where I’m currently at and the reason behind my future actions. 😶, okay so now let’s get into this years events revolving me okay? I shall warn you the TIGGER WARNING STARTS HERE , I shall let you know when it’s over. There will be A LOT, and I’m sorry.
2020 for Kay:
Struggling to finish my college degree.
Multiple panic attacks.
Continuous waves of depression, that still occur.
Found out I was being cheated on, by someone I gave my all too.
Realized I lost myself to a person who didn’t care for me.
Suffered a breakdown from the idea of not knowing who I was.
Lost a lot of people who promised “forever”.
Became a verbal punching bag for those who I thought were close to me.
Was nearly sexually assaulted on a public train.
And now currently broken and stumbling through a slim light.
No more trigger warnings! I’m done now- just a TedTalk below.
So after all this shit from 2020, I realized without you guys. I don’t think I would’ve been able to semi pull myself up. You have all been nothing but understanding and accepting and even though you could’ve never known about all that shit, just you guys being here. Supporting me, means the world to me. I can’t tell you all how many times I cried myself to sleep, how many times I felt like shit, and then you guys comment these amazing beautiful things that I personally feel I don’t deserve. I don’t deserve you all, all the love and admiration, I genuinely don’t. And even though i don’t feel I am a worth it, or anything for that matter then you guys come along and you make me believe i am, you all make me believe I have a shot at being something. Something past this fork in the road. And I couldn’t be anymore fucking grateful.
Now what does this mean for the blog in 2021?
Okay. Phew. So the tougher part. For the blog I currently have a few request which I will unfortunately be deleting before 2021. Unless I have written the story and all it’s awaiting for is some editing. I would never want to delete the request and not tell you. So there you have it, the request in the inbox shall be deleted on Dec 31, 2020. I shall try to finish most of them but I honestly refuse to give you all half assed shit. You deserve better.
Another thing, 2021 I have fought on this idea as well, but I’m no longer fighting it anymore. I am starting to put my novel on the front line. No more side bitch treatment. It shall be my main focus, if you all would like to walk with me on that journey please let me know, I would be more than happy to share my progress and process with you all. Now with that also being said, my amazing best friend is currently my little ghost reader but I know a few of you were interested and wiling to also read the novel and be apart of the process, and I would appreciate that very much, so if you would like to do that please message me to let me know.
I will now have an actual schedule, for 2021. I think it’ll keep me on better track so I’ll probably post 2 times a week. Meaning upload times will still be stagnant, and I’m sorry about that. And the blog will be getting a rebrand because, it’s just stale to me and it no longer makes me happy to look at it.
Alright, I’m done now. That will be the new 2021 Kay. I’m sorry for all the shit I’ve put you guys through this year and I’m sorry for all the changes, and I hope you can understand and honour these changes. But if you can not, I understand this 100%, just know whether you choose to stay or leave for the New Year, I have nothing but appreciation and love in my hearts for all of you. So thank you for this amazing gift you’ve given me that I could never repay you all for. You’ve all given me the power to support my words and the strength to continue pushing even when I felt like giving up on my darkest days. I love you all. If you would like to keep up with me during the better me process you can follow my socials below. But other than that, I once again thank you all. I appreciate you, I love you all. And I hope you have an amazing holiday and New Years.
(A/N: This is not replacing Spooky Tales, I just have to edit today’s story so I thought I’d give y'all The Favor on this fine Tuesday Morning! Part 3 is finally here, I hope you guys enjoy it! I am more than open to any suggestions or ideas for this series!)
All the Mayan men were seated around the table, joined by a freshly patched Ez Reyes, unfortunately for him, his first official Templo would not be a simple placement assignment. “Okay. Galindo’s meeting was a complete shit show and it seems he’s losing his control over his men. He’s got a mole inside. Normally I’d say he’s on his own but that ain’t the case this time. We have business with him, we are connected to him, and as much as I want to remove the smirk off his face, we can’t afford a mole.” Bishop said pausing as he brought the cigarette to his lips, letting the smoke sit in his lungs before blowing out the smoke, he let his statement resonate in his men before him. He wasn’t waiting for someone to comment, he knew his men wouldn’t approve of his statement. “So, simple, find the mole and kill him.” Tranq said, cracking his knuckles before resting his hands on the table as Bishop nodded towards the notion, his idea exactly, something quick and efficient.
“Nah. Now we playin’ bitch for Galindo? That’s’ what he wants.” Coco said scoffing as Bishop’s eyes darted to him “Mayans ain’t no bitch. We lie down for no one. Understand. We play fuckin’ smart.” Bishop said as Taza shook his head “Gettin’ in bed with the devil, is not a good idea.” He commented passing a knowing glance to Bishop, who held his cigarette between his lips “We’ve been in bed with all kinds of devils. But shit ain’t change. We will always be in charge. Comer o ser comido.” Bishop said as Taza nodded a smirk now playing on his lips. The room was now filled with silent smirks on each of their faces, Bishop knew his men, knew his family, they didn’t like being placed on the sidelines, they were men of action.
“We need the votes.” He said putting out his cigarette in the ashtray beside him “All in favor?” Tranq asked as hands were now raised in the air, every single Mayan accounted for, pleasing their president.
“I know it won’t be easy, but we’re not submitting to his game. We’ve got cards to deal with accordingly, our relation with the Sons and their dealings, has to stay off Galindo’s radar. Our meeting and relation with Galindo can not be known. We don’t need more problems, then the ones we already got.” Bishop commented before smacking the gravel against the table, dismissing the Mayans as he stayed seated along with Taza and Tranq. Ez was the last one to leave the room closing the door behind him, knowing the remaining three had to advise a plan for their newest complication. “So you gonna call her Boy Scout?” Angel teased as Coco and Gilly were standing on either side of him smirking at Ez who shook his head, he couldn’t believe his brothers were acting like horny teenagers.
“No Angel.” Ez said before walking away from them “Where ya going pussy?” Angel yelled across the bar as Ez chuckled “To get some.” He replied, smirking before opening the doors, hearing the cheers erupting from behind him as he shook his head once again “Idiots.” He mumbled to himself walking to his bike taking his helmet off the handlebars and putting it on as he mounted the bike starting the engine, taking off. He didn’t have any idea where he was going, was he going to his Pops? The Diner? Or was he going to comfort Emily while she was still in the square away from her husband? The entire layout of Santo Padre was drawn in his mind. The nightfall always made the empty roads of Santo Padre looking gloomy, even mournful in certain areas but that atmosphere only brought peace to Ez, when he rode at night it cleared his mind and he never understood if it was the wind that hit his face that gave him the feeling or if was the fact that he could finally be alone.
The ride felt as though it was only a few seconds rather than the hour it had taken to get to his destination.Taking off the helmet, he dismounted from his bike looking at his surroundings. He was parked in the Square, and at this moment as he stood beside his bike he wondered if he had come to confort Emily, had he come to tell her off? Or if he came to see (Y/N), to see her smiling face, and hear her calming voice? He looked over at the City Hall building watching an SUV pull up in front, he shook his head to nothing really as he placed his hands in his back pockets walking into the diner sitting in the same corner seat from yesterday. He wasn’t going to order anything, he just sat there and waited for her to appear from the kitchen doors, the only problem with his spontaneous visit is that he didn’t even know if she was working. The diner wasn’t full of many patrons and the young waitress on duty smiled at Ez placing a water and menu in front of him “Call me if you need anything.” She said winking before walking away, Ez held back his scoff, her advances were written all over her, she raised her skirt slightly and unbuttoned a few buttons as soon as Ez sat down at the diner.
He’d been seated at the diner for nearly ten minutes and there was no sign of her, (Y/N) did not come out of the back, she wasn’t on the floor, she was nowhere in sight and for some reason him being at the diner when she wasn’t there felt wrong. He shook his head at the idea as he quickly got up from his seat leaving the diner before getting back on his bike and making his way to his Pops shop, thinking about what she could be doing if she wasn’t working, then he remembered her saying she had a second job. He mentally kicked himself, she was a working woman, but more importantly she wasn’t his woman and she was free to do whatever she wanted with whoever she wanted. But the new idea of her being with another person didn’t sit well with Ez as he got to his father’s shop.
“This is stupid.” You mumble as Kim shakes her head helping you zip up your dress “I think you look hot.” She comments as you playfully punch her “You’d he hotter.” You day as she shakes her head turning you to the mirror. You looked at yourself and only began to hate the idea even more than before, shaking your head before walking away to slip your heels on sitting on the bench as you groan once more before a knock comes to the door “Decent.” You called as Hank walked into the room “Kid, are you a hundred percent sure you want to do this?” He said with his face full of worry, he didn’t want a repeat of last time to happen where one of the civilians took you for a dancer and almost hurt you. “I’m good Voight. And I’ll have Halstead this time.” You said standing up from the bench fixing your dress as you all walked out the room towards the rest of the team who let out low whistles “Halstead, I’m more than willing to step in if you don’t feel well.” Atwater said as everyone laughed “You look great kid.” Al said as you smiled “Thanks Al, alright losers stop gawking we have a murder to catch.” You said lopping your arm around Halsteads who smirked before walking away from everyone towards the car.
“You’re okay with doing this right (Y/L/N)?” Jay asked as he opened the door for you waiting for you to get inside before closing the door and making his way to the driver’s seat. “I’m good Halstead, honestly. I have you by my side. I’ll be okay.” You said as he nodded putting the car in drive, the drive was quiet besides the team in your ears making fun of the silence between you and Halstead, but what they didn’t know was the amount of overwhelming heat you felt with his hand on your thigh. You knew it was nothing more than a normal reaction but the little gesture made your heart flutter. “Ready for the evening my loving wife?” Halstead asked as you winked “Of course darling.” You replied as he got out of the car, making his way to your door opening it and lending you his arm to step out before handing the keys to the valet. “Deep breaths.” Halstead said as he placed his hand on the small part of your back as you both walked inside the club. “This isn’t exactly what I was expecting.” You whispered in his ear wrapping your arms around his neck as his hands went to your hips, both of you scanning your surroundings while in this position “Bartender. The wife said he was someone they frequently used.” Halstead whispered moving his hand lower on your body nearly to your bottom but stopping “Let’s go then.” You said pulling away from him but grasping his hand as you both slowly made your way over to the bar.
